Location | Brooklyn

Lots of Feelings

Family | 8.08.18

MY DRESS: Fillyboo  //  ARABELLA’S DRESS: LoveShackFancy  //  Photos by Lindsey Belle

Here are some more pics from the family photo session we did a couple weeks before Jack was born.  I remember at this point in my pregnancy I was feeling like a whale and I almost didn’t book this, but I’m so happy I did.  I love looking at these great memories and can’t believe how it already feels so long ago.  Jack turns 1 month old tomorrow and I am just starting to feel normal (-ish) again.  Round 3 was a rough recovery for whatever reason (3rd c-section in 5 years, I’m older, I have 2 other young kids – all likely culprits), and I’ve also had a lot of EMOTIONS.  Normal given all the hormones, and probably made worse by the fact that for my post-partum TV show binge watching I went with Handmaid’s Tale followed by This Is Us (I mean, was I trying to make myself cry daily?  Because, well done.  Sidebar: awesome shows, totally worth it.)  But this time has been different than it was with Declan and Bella.  Hormones, sleep deprivation, and gut-wrenching TV choices aside, I have really been struggling with the fact that this is the last time I will be doing this: last pregnancy, last birth, last newborn phase when they are all sleepy and snugly and smooshy and LITTLE and just so so sweet.  Which is weird in a way as I was not one of those women who loved being pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong, I was super grateful for being pregnant, but I felt pretty lousy and exhausted and uncomfortable for a majority of those 9 months (x 3).  But I LOVE being a mother – so much more than I ever could have fathomed before I had kids of my own.  It’s hard to think about closing the chapter on this part of our lives – to go from the early days of building a family to the task of actually raising that family.  To being a young mom of young kids to  . . . well, an older mom of older kids.  It will be great when everyone is out of diapers and car seats and we can have even more fun adventures with our “big kids” one day, but these early days and years are just so pure and innocent and special.  So I am trying to really be present and appreciate every single newborn moment right now, as well as this time with Declan and Bella and the phases they are in too.  They have wanted to see baby pictures and videos of themselves lately so we’ve been looking at a lot of those, and it just highlighted to me how much they have changed and how fast it all goes – right in front of us but somehow without us realizing it’s happening.  So, while a part of me is sad that one chapter is coming to a close and the sight of a newborn onesie that no longer fits Jack or the packing up of my maternity clothes to give to friends who have more babies in their future is enough to choke me up and start the tears flowing, I’ve also never been happier in my whole life.  Above all, I am just grateful that this chapter got to be written in the first place, and I’m trying to hold on to the belief that what comes next will be even better.  ♥


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